Dismissed

     We were meeting in our small group tonight, and as I tend to always do, I was running off at the mouth again.  Sometimes I surprise myself with how transparent I can be with people if I just start talking.  I must be a used - car salesman's dream.  I have said on several occasions that I think I am the only person that could possibly show up at a car lot and somehow end up walking out paying MORE money for a car than they're asking, simply because I can talk my way out of or INTO anything.  It can be a blessing, but man, it can also be a curse.  If I'd just shut up sometimes I'd be willing to bet I'd get a whole lot more done, in general.  Anyway, we were talking about respect, and as I was speaking I realized that I had morphed the entire conversation around into my own personal counseling session, specifically when I realized some of the things I was saying about myself. 
     It was something along the lines of ". . .I don't ever like to be wrong", but not necessarily because I like to be right, but because I'm afraid, basically, of being wrong.  I'm afraid of letting people down, or failure, or something like that.  I sometimes feel like I'm the only one that feels this way, but then I also wonder if I'm the only one that is as dreadfully transparent about it.  Sometimes I think I'm too transparent.  I walk around a lot of the day, I think, letting my fears basically pipeline from the depths of my brain right to my soul, or vice versa.  It's not the healthiest thing to do, trust me.  I envy most of my coworkers or patients or friends, because, somehow, they don't seem to live with the same burden of doubt or fear or whatever-it-is that I do.  Maybe they do, and they just don't say anything about it; or maybe they just dismiss thoughts such as these as soon as they start to occur.
     Then I get into: if they DO do this, is that what my faith maybe should look like?  Should it look like dismissal?  I'm not sure it shouldn't.  I mean, really, maybe this is what God means when He says to us "do not worry about tomorrow."  Maybe He means "Look, when you start to have thoughts such as this, dismiss them.  Cast them on me.  I WILL handle these things for you.  TRUST me, and just BE in this moment."  It goes against every ounce of my nature, but personally, I'm beginning to think that this is just a cop out in itself.  Nature, schmature, God has made me a new being.  I just need to continue to allow that New Being to come to the forefront.  Sometimes I think so much of our faith, essentially, we don't apply.  We're so dang afraid of the practical applications of a relationship with God and with Jesus that we suppress it.  We want it to be mystical, when really, God surely realizes the day - to - day, real life struggles that we face.  The day - to - day things are, in my opinion, worse than the occasional disasters that pop up, so to speak.  Day - to - day things we carry around all the time, like the proverbial millstone.
     So come to me, God.  Here are my fears.  Carry them, Lord.  And help me to be more dismissive.